This map of London's tube shows disused stations, track layout and more

A close up of the map in question. Image: TfL.

It's a scary, scary world out there. Looming crisis in North Korea. Donald Trump gaining in the polls. David Cameron leaving us all alone.

So what you need, to gladden the heart and life the soul, is clearly a new tube map.

Actually, this one isn't really new: it's dated 2009, and emerged from a Freedom of Information request sent in 2013. But it's

  1. geographically accurate,
  2. fascinatingly detailed, and
  3. genuinely interesting and informative if you're a nerd, which – let's be honest – you are.

The FOI request asked for a "detailed track and signalling map of the Underground". What it uncovered is this:

Click to expand.

Which doesn't show signalling, but you can't have everything.

The map shows the only part of the Victoria line that's above ground, the Northumberland Park depot....

Click to expand.

...and that it's theoretically possible to divert Piccadilly line trains to Walthamstow:

Click to expand.

It shows that the branch to Chesham is single track:

Click to expand.

It shows that the Piccadilly and District lines share tracks between Acton Town and Ealing Common.

Click to expand.

Zoom into the central London section and you can see a whole range of features: disused tube stations like Down Street and City Road; the Kennington loop, which allows trains to reverse and head north again; the fact the Waterloo & City line passes quite close to Blackfriars, should anyone feel the need to build a station there...

Click to expand.

Then there’s this nightmare of Northern line tracks around Camden:

Click to expand.

No wonder they want to split the line.

I'm going to stop here because if I don't I'll keep banging on all day – but there are no doubt all sorts of other Easter Eggs on here for the discerning train nerd. Do tweet us your favourites.

Jonn Elledge is the editor of CityMetric. He is on Twitter, far too much, as @jonnelledge.

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There isn’t a war on the motorist. We should start one

These bloody people. Image: Getty.

When should you use the horn on a car? It’s not, and anyone who has been on a road in the UK in living memory will be surprised to hear this, when you are inconvenienced by traffic flow. Nor is it when you are annoyed that you have been very slightly inconvenienced by another driver refusing to break the law in a manner that is objectively dangerous, but which you perceive to be to your advantage.

According to the Highway Code:

“A horn should only be used when warning someone of any danger due to another vehicle or any other kind of danger.”

Let’s be frank: neither you nor I nor anyone we have ever met has ever heard a horn used in such a manner. Even those of us who live in or near places where horns perpetually ring out due to the entitled sociopathy of most drivers. Especially those of us who live in or near such places.

Several roads I frequently find myself pushing a pram up and down in north London are two way traffic, but allow parking on both sides. This being London that means that, in practice, they’re single track road which cars can enter from both ends.

And this being London that means, in practice, that on multiple occasions every day, men – it is literally always men – glower at each other from behind the steering wheels of needlessly big cars, banging their horns in fury that circumstances have, usually through the fault of neither of them, meant they are facing each other on a de facto single track road and now one of them is going to have to reverse for a metre or so.

This, of course, is an unacceptable surrender as far as the drivers’ ego is concerned, and a stalemate seemingly as protracted as the cold war and certainly nosier usually emerges. Occasionally someone will climb out of their beloved vehicle and shout and their opponent in person, which at least has the advantages of being quieter.

I mentioned all this to a friend recently, who suggested that maybe use of car horns should be formally restricted in certain circumstances.

Ha ha ha. Hah.

The Highway Code goes on to say -

“It is illegal to use a horn on a moving vehicle on a restricted road, a road that has street lights and a 30 mph limit, between the times of 11:30 p.m. and 07:00 a.m.”

Is there any UK legal provision more absolutely and comprehensively ignored by those to whom it applies? It might as well not be there. And you can bet that every single person who flouts it considers themselves law abiding. Rather than the perpetual criminal that they in point of fact are.


In the 25 years since I learned to drive I have used a car horn exactly no times, despite having lived in London for more than 20 of them. This is because I have never had occasion to use it appropriately. Neither has anyone else, of course, they’ve just used it inappropriately. Repeatedly.

So here’s my proposal for massively improving all UK  suburban and urban environments at a stroke: ban horns in all new cars and introduce massive, punitive, crippling, life-destroying fines for people caught using them on their old one.

There has never been a war on motorists, despite the persecution fantasies of the kind of middle aged man who thinks owning a book by Jeremy Clarkson is a substitute for a personality. There should be. Let’s start one. Now.

Phase 2 will be mandatory life sentences for people who don’t understand that a green traffic light doesn’t automatically mean you have right of way just because you’re in a car.

Do write in with your suggestions for Phase 3.