A man who got his bag caught in a tube train’s doors for 15 stops would like to know if there's a map to help him

Bank station, the scene of the crime. Image: Derwin/Pexels/creative commons.

Did you know that, at the northbound Northern line platforms on Bank tube station, the doors will open on the left hand side? But that at every station north of there, all the way to Edgware, the doors will open on the right?

Probably not, right? Even if you’re a tube nerd, who can draw the tube map from memory and has ruined a perfectly good night in the pub by boring on about the demise of the Northern Heights plan for hours – who pays attention to which side of the tube carriage the doors open? All the way along an entire line?

Well, Samir knows. Samir knows all too well. That’s because, just before 9 this morning, this happened:

Colindale is only two stops from the end of the line. Which, as it happens, is where Samir ended up.

Luckily, he can count on his family to be supportive.

 

For the record – looking at the Carto.Metro map of track layouts, we’re fairly sure that, had he only been on the High Barnet branch, Samir would have been able to escape his predicament at Camden Town. Sad!

Anyway, the reason we found out about all this is because Samir posed a question – one which we’ve been unable to answer:

Does anyone know of a version of the tube map which shows which side of the carriage the doors will open? If not, would anyone like to make one?

Get in touch. Enquiring minds trapped in tube carriages across the city want to know.

Incidentally, if you’re on Twitter, give Samir a follow will you? He’s had a hard day.

Jonn Elledge is the editor of CityMetric. He is on Twitter as @jonnelledge and on Facebook as JonnElledgeWrites.

Want more of this stuff? Follow CityMetric on Twitter or Facebook.


 

 
 
 
 

There isn’t a war on the motorist. We should start one

These bloody people. Image: Getty.

When should you use the horn on a car? It’s not, and anyone who has been on a road in the UK in living memory will be surprised to hear this, when you are inconvenienced by traffic flow. Nor is it when you are annoyed that you have been very slightly inconvenienced by another driver refusing to break the law in a manner that is objectively dangerous, but which you perceive to be to your advantage.

According to the Highway Code:

“A horn should only be used when warning someone of any danger due to another vehicle or any other kind of danger.”

Let’s be frank: neither you nor I nor anyone we have ever met has ever heard a horn used in such a manner. Even those of us who live in or near places where horns perpetually ring out due to the entitled sociopathy of most drivers. Especially those of us who live in or near such places.

Several roads I frequently find myself pushing a pram up and down in north London are two way traffic, but allow parking on both sides. This being London that means that, in practice, they’re single track road which cars can enter from both ends.

And this being London that means, in practice, that on multiple occasions every day, men – it is literally always men – glower at each other from behind the steering wheels of needlessly big cars, banging their horns in fury that circumstances have, usually through the fault of neither of them, meant they are facing each other on a de facto single track road and now one of them is going to have to reverse for a metre or so.

This, of course, is an unacceptable surrender as far as the drivers’ ego is concerned, and a stalemate seemingly as protracted as the cold war and certainly nosier usually emerges. Occasionally someone will climb out of their beloved vehicle and shout and their opponent in person, which at least has the advantages of being quieter.

I mentioned all this to a friend recently, who suggested that maybe use of car horns should be formally restricted in certain circumstances.

Ha ha ha. Hah.

The Highway Code goes on to say -

“It is illegal to use a horn on a moving vehicle on a restricted road, a road that has street lights and a 30 mph limit, between the times of 11:30 p.m. and 07:00 a.m.”

Is there any UK legal provision more absolutely and comprehensively ignored by those to whom it applies? It might as well not be there. And you can bet that every single person who flouts it considers themselves law abiding. Rather than the perpetual criminal that they in point of fact are.


In the 25 years since I learned to drive I have used a car horn exactly no times, despite having lived in London for more than 20 of them. This is because I have never had occasion to use it appropriately. Neither has anyone else, of course, they’ve just used it inappropriately. Repeatedly.

So here’s my proposal for massively improving all UK  suburban and urban environments at a stroke: ban horns in all new cars and introduce massive, punitive, crippling, life-destroying fines for people caught using them on their old one.

There has never been a war on motorists, despite the persecution fantasies of the kind of middle aged man who thinks owning a book by Jeremy Clarkson is a substitute for a personality. There should be. Let’s start one. Now.

Phase 2 will be mandatory life sentences for people who don’t understand that a green traffic light doesn’t automatically mean you have right of way just because you’re in a car.

Do write in with your suggestions for Phase 3.