Literally just 19 ridiculous British place names you can find on Ordnance Survey maps

Searching for all the bottoms on a map is a very useful way to spend your time. Image: US Department of Defense.

We love a good map, here at CityMetric. But we do, inherently, have a bias against one type of map in particular – and it's time we addressed that. 

If only for a moment, it's time to leave the confines of the city, escape that fettered air, and get out to the country. 

Ordnance Survey maps are an institution – a proud British tradition of clutching helplessly against battering wind and rain, staring at a compass and an increasingly soggy, badly folded piece of paper in the vague hope that one of the dotted lines might actually take you home. 

In cities, they're almost useless. With no street names, stations indicated merely by large red dots, and no real space to see anything, they are not your inner-city guide. 

But outside cities, they're glorious. Clear, beautiful, design masterpieces, they're incredibly handy if you're some masochist who enjoys walking for fun. 

And they also document all the weird and wonderful place names that dot these British Isles – from oddly named hamlets to stupidly named hills and giggle-inducing nooks and crannies. 

Here are a few of our favourites from hours of fruitless scouring of the Ordnance Survey filter on Bing Maps. Please do send in your favourites – there's too much joy not to share. 

1) Bell End, Worcestershire

Click to expand all. All images: Ordnance Survey via Bing Maps.

A classic of the genre. Presumably a perfectly nice little hamlet in Worcestershire, though it may be a little spoiled by the large dual carriageway that runs through it. 

2) Bishop Spit, Kent

A soon-to-be-bottled rare substance, beloved by artisan cafés throughout east London as an alternative to milk substitutes from almond to oat milk. 

3) Bishop Ooze, Kent

Er, see above? 

4) Greedy Gut, East Yorkshire

The sort of body-positivity endorsement you get from your mother after you've had seven roast potatoes at the family Christmas dinner. 

5) Gentlemen's Cave, Orkney

Cigars and brandy after ten, female guests permitted only during lunching hours, ties to be worn at all times. The sort of place Jacob Rees-Mogg frequents for a spot of peace to bash out his Telegraph articles. 

6) Breast Sand, Norfolk

Er, see above? Not far from Sandringham, so perhaps the Queen frequents. 

7) Come-to-Good, Cornwall

Nothing that amusing here, I just think it's a rather adorable place name. I'm tempted to move. 

8) Knob's Crook, Dorset

Of or pertaining to Knob, or denoting that Knob is a vagabond and untoward ragamuffin?

9) Moo Field, Shetland Islands

I imagine a Viking invader heard a cow moo in a field and began a seductive game of call-and-response just as ye ancient cartographer next to him was asking what this place should be called. 

10) Twatt, Orkney

We love you too, Orkney. 

11) Moor Cock, Lancashire 

I think the less said here the better. 

12) Thong Moor, West Yorkshire

There's a whole collection of thongs here, it's quite the community. Perhaps they should set up an underwear collective. Or found a flip-flop factory that exports exclusively to Australia. 

13) Sportsman's Rest, North Yorkshire

I like that this is disused. Today's sportsmen need no rest, you fool. 

14) Titty Hill, East Sussex

There's nothing all that funny to say here, really. 

15) Shepherd's Bottom, Dorset 

And here begin the many bottoms of the countryside. In fairness, I imagine the shepherds had to entertain themselves somehow while they were watching their flocks by night. 

16) Loose Bottom, East Sussex

Do I really need to say it? 

17) Wild Church Bottom, Dorset

Some vagrant priest or something. Will be receiving summons to Lambeth Palace for a talking-to before too long. 

18) Cock Heads, North Yorkshire

I'm really sorry. This'll be over soon. 

19) Hell's Mouth, Cornwall

Not far from Deadman's Cove, though we must remember that correlation is not causation. 


There must be thousands more enjoyable designations out there, so tweet them to us. 

Jack May is a regular contributor to CityMetric and tweets as @JackO_May.

Want more of this stuff? Follow CityMetric on Twitter or Facebook.

 
 
 
 

Seven climate change myths put about by big oil companies

Oil is good for you! Image: Getty.

Since the start of this year, major players within the fossil fuel industry – “big oil” – have made some big announcements regarding climate change. BP revealed plans to reduce its greenhouse gas emissions by acquiring additional renewable energy companies. Royal Dutch Shell defended its $1-$2bn green energy annual budget. Even ExxonMobil, until recently relatively dismissive of the basic science behind climate change, included a section dedicated to reducing emissions in its yearly outlook for energy report.

But this idea of a “green” oil company producing “clean” fossil fuels is one that I would call a dangerous myth. Such myths obscure the irreconcilability between burning fossil fuels and environmental protection – yet they continue to be perpetuated to the detriment of our planet.

Myth 1: Climate change can be solved with the same thinking that created it

Measures put in place now to address climate change must be sustainable in the long run. A hasty, sticking plaster approach based on quick fixes and repurposed ideas will not suffice.

Yet this is precisely what some fossil fuel companies intend to do. To address climate change, major oil and gas companies are mostly doing what they have historically excelled at – more technology, more efficiency, and producing more fossil fuels.

But like the irresponsible gambler that cannot stop doubling down during a losing streak, the industry’s bet on more, more, more only means more ecological destruction. Irrespective of how efficient fossil fuel production becomes, that the industry’s core product can be 100 per cent environmentally sustainable is an illusion.

A potential glimmer of hope is carbon capture and storage (CCS), a process that sucks carbon out of the air and sends it back underground. But despite being praised by big oil as a silver bullet solution for climate change, CCS is yet another sticking plaster approach. Even CCS advocates suggest that it cannot currently be employed on a global, mass scale.

Myth 2: Climate change won’t spell the end of the fossil fuel industry

According to a recent report, climate change is one factor among several that has resulted in the end of big oil’s golden years – a time when oil was plenty, money quick, and the men at the top celebrated as cowboy capitalists.

Now, to ensure we do not surpass the dangerous 2°C threshold, we must realise that there is simply no place for “producers” of fossil fuels. After all, as scientists, financial experts, and activists have warned, if we want to avoid dangerous climate change, the proven reserves of the world’s biggest fossil fuel companies cannot be consumed.

Myth 3: Renewables investment means oil companies are seriously tackling climate change

Compared to overall capital expenditures, oil companies renewables’ investment is a miniscule drop in the barrel. Even then, as companies such as BP have demonstrated before, they will divest from renewables as soon as market conditions change.

Big oil companies’ green investments only produce tiny reductions in their overall greenhouse gas emissions. BP calls these effects “real sustainable reductions” – but they accounted for only 0.3 per cent of their total emissions reductions in 2016, 0.1 per cent in 2015, 0.1 per cent in 2014, and so on.


Myth 4: Hard climate regulation is not an option

One of the oil industry’s biggest fears regarding climate change is regulation. It is of such importance that BP recently hinted at big oil’s exodus from the EU if climate regulation took effect. Let’s be clear, we are talking about “command-and-control” regulation here, such as pollution limits, and not business-friendly tools such as carbon pricing or market-based quota systems.

There are many commercial reasons why the fossil fuel industry would prefer the latter over the former. Notably, regulation may result in a direct impact on the bottom line of fossil fuel companies given incurred costs. But climate regulation is – in combination with market-based mechanisms – required to address climate change. This is a widely accepted proposition advocated by mainstream economists, NGOs and most governments.

Myth 5: Without cheap fossil fuels, the developing world will stop

Total’s ex-CEO, the late Christoph de Margerie, once remarked: “Without access to energy, there is no development.” Although this is probably true, that this energy must come from fossil fuels is not. Consider, for example, how for 300 days last year Costa Rica relied entirely on renewable energy for its electricity needs. Even China, the world’s biggest polluter, is simultaneously the biggest investor in domestic renewables projects.

As the World Bank has highlighted, in contrast to big oil’s claims about producing more fossil fuels to end poverty, the sad truth is that by burning even the current fossil fuel stockpile, climate change will place millions of people back into poverty. The UN concurs, signalling that climate change will result in reduced crop yields, more waterborne diseases, higher food prices and greater civil unrest in developing parts of the world.

Myth 6: Big oil must be involved in climate policy-making

Fossil fuel companies insist that their involvement in climate policy-making is necessary, so much so that they have become part of the wallpaper at international environmental conferences. This neglects that fossil fuels are, in fact, a pretty large part of the problem. Big oil attends international environmental conferences for two reasons: lobbying and self-promotion.

Some UN organisations already recognise the risk of corporations hijacking the policy-making process. The World Health Organisation, for instance, forbids the tobacco industry from attending its conferences. The UN’s climate change arm, the UNFCCC, should take note.

Myth 7: Nature can and must be “tamed” to address climate change

If you mess with mother nature, she bites back. As scientists reiterate, natural systems are complex, unpredictable, and even hostile when disrupted.

Climate change is a prime example. Small changes in the chemical makeup of the atmosphere may have drastic implications for Earth’s inhabitants.

The ConversationFossil fuel companies reject that natural systems are fragile – as evidenced by their expansive operations in ecologically vulnerable areas such as the Arctic. The “wild” aspect of nature is considered something to be controlled and dominated. This myth merely serves as a way to boost egos. As independent scientist James Lovelock wrote, “The idea that humans are yet intelligent enough to serve as stewards of the Earth is among the most hubristic ever.”

George Ferns, Lecturer in Management, Employment and Organisation, Cardiff University.

This article was originally published on The Conversation. Read the original article.