Is this the most vile act of tube map trolling ever committed?

"...as if millions of cartographers suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced." Image: Fabric Rehab

If there’s one thing we at CityMetric love more than cities, or even metrics, it’s maps. Especially transport maps, and especially, especially tube maps. Lovely, lovely tube maps.

So you'd think we'd be on board with tube map-themed fabric: just think, we could have tube map suits! Tube map bunting! Tube map hats!

But the terrible, terrible reality of it turns out to be this abomination, which is the worst thing that has ever happened to anyone ever. Look at it. Look at the absolute state of it:

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Image: Fabric Rehab

This tube-themed “thrifty polyester cotton” fabric, offered by the Fabric Rehab website, is deeply upsetting on so many, many levels. Fenchurch Street is next to Knightsbridge. Downing Street has a tube station now! There are two Leicester Squares! THERE’S A LANCASHIRE TUBE STATION. WHY IS THERE A LANCASHIRE TUBE STATION.

This is even worse than the time the government put a tube map in the new passport and left off Southwark station. Or when TfL accidentally turned Morden tube station into a tram stop.

Presumably this is an elaborate attempt to create tube-themed fabric without raising eyebrows at Transport For London’s legal department, but would anyone really want to make anything using the design of the world’s most iconic transit map, except with absolutely none of the actually iconic bits? Well, apparently at least one person did, since it’s all sadly sold out. What a shame.

There is only one conceivable reason for this to exist: to troll tube map nerds into incoherent rage. Make a tablecloth out of it, invite one round for dinner and watch your delicious lasagne go flying through the window when they notice that East Finchley is for some reason now south of Wimbledon.


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The Delhi Metro: How do you build a transport system for 26m people?

Indraprastha station in 2006. Image: Getty.

“Thou hath not played rugby until thou hath tried to get onto a Delhi Metro in rush hour,” a wise Yogi once said.

If you’ve never been on New Delhi’s Metro, your mind might conjure up the the conventional image of Indian trains: tawdry carriages, buckets of sweat, people hanging out of windows and the odd holy cow wandering around for good measure.

Well, no. The Delhi Metro is actually one of the most marvellously sophisticated, affordable, timely, and practical public transportation systems out there. On a 45C day in the Indian summer, many a traveller has shed tears of joy on entering the spacious, air-conditioned carriages.

Above ground, Delhi is a sprawling metropolis of the scariest kind: 26m people, three times the population of London, churn and grind through Delhi itself.

The National Capital Region, an area which includes Delhi and its surrounding satellite cities – now victim of its never-ending urban sprawl – has an estimated population of almost 50m. So how do you tie such a huge population together?

The map; click to expand. Image: Delhi Metro Rail.

Motorised vehicles won’t do it alone. For one, air pollution is a horrific problem in Delhi, as it is across India. Last November, the government declared a state of emergency when the Indian capital was engulfed by a toxic, choking fog so thick that you could barely see several metres in front of you, drawing allusions to the great Victorian fogs in London.

Then there’s Delhi’s famous traffic. Twenty-five years ago, the travel writer William Dalrymple observed that you could reduce the Delhi’s road laws to one simple idea: the largest vehicle always had the right of way. The traffic has tamed somewhat in the 21st century, but the number of vehicles has multiplied again and again, and it’s not uncommon for people to be stuck in four-hour traffic jams when they try to traverse the mighty city.

Enter the Delhi Metro – a huge network of 164 over- and underground stations – and by any account, a titan of civil engineering and administration.

The numbers are simply colossal. Every day the metro serves on average almost 3m people. Annually, it carries around 1bn.

In a country where intercity trains still turn up a day late, the Delhi Metro is extraordinarily timely. On the major lines, trains will come every several minutes. The trains are extraordinary speedy, and you’ll reach your destination in a fraction of the time it would take for you to drive the distance.

The minimum fare is 10 rupees (12p); the maximum fare, to and from the airport, is 50 (60p).

The evolution of the metro. Image: Terramorphus/Wikimedia Commons.

Construction of the metro system began in 1998, with the first section completed in late 2002. Keen to avoid the catastrophic corruption and bureaucratic mismanagement which plagued eastern city of the Kolkata Metro, developers took advice from Hong Kong’s high-tech system There have been several stages of development to add extra lines; more is planned. By 2020, it is hoped that the 135 miles of line will have increased to over 300.  

One thing quite striking about the metro is its women’s only carriages at the rear and the front of the train, marked by pink signs. Sexual assault and harassment has been a horrific problem on Delhi’s transport systems. Women can of course go anywhere on the train – but men who violate the carriage system will have to deal with the scathing anger of the entire pink carriage.


One of the under-discussed impacts of widespread and well-used public transportation systems is their propensity to break down social and class barriers over time. As the London Tube began to be used more and more in early 20th century London, people from completely different walks of life and classes began to brush shoulders and share the same air.

The story is similar in Delhi. The necessity of the metro helps to break down old caste and class divisions. Of course, many elite Delhiites would not be seen dead on the metro, and choose their private chauffeur over brushing shoulders with the common man. But slowly and surely, the times are a changing.

What’s more, the Delhi Metro system is one of the greenest around. Six years ago, the Metro was the first railway system in the world to be awarded carbon credits from the United Nations for helping to reduce pollution in the capital by an estimated 640,000 tonnes every year.  

All praises sung and said, however, at peak times it’s less mind the gap and more mind your ribs – as a fifth of humanity seems to try to get on and off the train at once.

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