Podcast: The Iron Road to Europe

The golden age of steam. Image: Getty.

This week on the podcast we are talking about trains. You might think that we talked about trains a mere two episodes back. To which I respond – trains! Trains are great! Woohoo, trains!

Okay, so one big reason why we’re back on public transport again is because it’s what this week’s guest really wanted to talk about. As well as being the political editor of Buzzfeed UK, Jim Waterson is a massive railway nerd, and is the only person ever to – I don’t use this word lightly – beg to appear on this podcast.

He tells me the delightfully screwy story of regional Eurostars: how the British government spent hundreds of millions of pounds commissioning trains and building infrastructure so that you could get sleeper trains from Manchester, Wolverhampton or Swansea to the continent – yet never managed to run a single train.

Before recording, he also provided us with these delightful historic maps showing how British Rail intended those trains to get between London and the Channel Tunnel:

In the end, of course, we got an entirely different route the cross the Thames into Essex and approaches north London from the East.

Before we hear from Jim, though, I bore Stephanie to tears by enthusiastically recounting everything I’ve learnt about the history of the British railways from a book he’s just finished reading, Matthew Engel’s Eleven Minutes Late.

Afterwards we read out some tweets in which people recount their biggest transport horror stories. And we attempt to answer a question for the ages: what the hell is it with men masturbating at women on public transport?

The episode itself is below. You can subscribe to the podcast on AcastiTunes, or RSS. Enjoy.

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Here are all the names of London tube stations that we’ve just stopped noticing are weird

What the hell. Swiss Cottage. Image: Oxyman/Wikipedia Commons.

Angel

 “The next station is Gnome. Change here for Elf, Cherubim and Gnome.”

Arsenal

Would be a lot less weird if it wasn’t a good eight miles away from where they actually built the arsenal.

Bank

It’s like something from a kid’s picture book where everything is labelled incredibly literally. Was even sillier when the next station along was still called Post Office. (It’s St Paul’s now.)

Barking

Disappointing lack of doggos.

Barkingside

Same, also a surprisingly long way from Barking.

Bromley-by-Bow

But not by Bromley which, once again, is eight bloody miles awy.

Canada Water

No.

Chalk Farm

Chalk isn’t a plant, lads.

Cockfosters

...

Elephant & Castle

What.

Grange Hill.

Hainault

Hang on, that’s in Belgium isn’t it?

Hornchurch

There are literally horns no the church, to be fair.

Kentish Town

Actually in Middlesex, nowhere near Kent.

Knightsbridge

Not only no knights, but no bridge either.


Oval

Might as well have a station called “oblong” or “dodecahedon”.

Oxford Circus

Plenty of clowns though, amirite?

Perivale

Does any other London suburb promise such a vertiginous drop between name and reality?

Plaistow

To be honest the name’s fine, I just wish people knew how to pronounce it.

Roding Valley

The river’s more than 30 miles long, guys, this doesn’t narrow it down.

Seven Sisters

None that I’ve noticed.

Shepherd’s Bush

“Now where are those sheep hiding now?”

Shepherd’s Bush Market

Because one bush is never enough.

Southwark

1. That’s not how that combination of letters should sound. 2. That’s not where Southwark is. Other than that you’re fine.

Swiss Cottage

Sure, let’s name a station after a novelty drinking establishment, why the hell not.

Waterloo

Okay, this one is definitely in Belgium.

Jonn Elledge is the editor of CityMetric. He is on Twitter as @jonnelledge and also has a Facebook page now for some reason. 

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